Fuck depression

February has been shit.  It's also been really good.  Some things that happen to me are my own fault and some aren't.  I can no longer dwell on any of it because it only pushes me back into lifelessness, back into my depression.  The all consuming monster that is my depression can no longer define me or determine how I go into each day and each situation.  My anxiety is a product of my mind and I need to be stronger than who I think I am to overcome it.  I need to live as the person I want to be and appreciate what I've gone through, good or bad, but not let it hold me back from moving forward.  I'm tired of this shit but I'm more tired and pissed off that I'm just laying in it.

I keep waking up feeling like it's more late April or early May, and I rather it was.  This winter has been no good to me and I can't wait to feel the freedom of the sun and water on my skin.

Sometimes there's nothing else you can do

All I've been doing is playing on Polyvore, listening to my friend bitch about her ex, and chain smoking.  My Grandfather died tonight.  I don't know what else to do.

So that's where I'm at

When deciding what I want to do with my life it's important to keep my options open.  I could bake bread in between every hopeless endeavour and say, "Well at least I learned."  Or I could make something of the life I've been given and try to constantly live in a state of self-satisfaction.  And maybe that's not such a bad thing, nobody's suppose to be impressed by my life other than myself.  Who cares if I don't write a book or create a work of art? No one.  All that matters is that I created a bit of myself for me to appreciate in the moment.

Adios Livejournal.  Kiss my sweet blogging ass good bye!  But in case you're curious, you can check it out over here.  There's some photo collages and musings from your's truly.